french political satire

France Invades U.S.

part one starts like this:

After months of build up, the French government, led by Jacques Chirac, launched a pre-emptive attack on the United States of America. Declaring the US "a rogue nation in violation of international law and in defiance of UN resolution 1441," France launched a major ground offensive to overturn what they called "the illegitimate regime of George W. Bush." Citing the 2000 election as proof of an unlawful government, the French claimed they are invading the US to bring democracy to the American people. Termed Operation American Freedom, Jacques Chirac declared on French National TV: "the failure of the US to disarm and the threats against France by the unelected president has created the need to invade America in order to protect us against the inevitable aggression by the US along with Bush's stockpiling of weapons of mass destruction." The US, he declared, was part of an axis of evil along with the United Kingdom and Israel. After a relentless bombing campaign termed "le shock et l'awe," French and German coalition forces captured Washington DC and the surrounding areas. German troops controlled territory from North Carolina to Florida.

part 10 ends like this ...

With the French occupation of the US now entering its third year, in a surprising new development, the government of Jacques Chirac today approved vast new economic measures needed to adequately finance the liberation of the US, commonly referred to as Operation American Freedom. Called the PetroEuro Transatlantic Oil Liberation Act (Petrol for short), effective immediately, all Americans must now convert their dollars into euros in order to purchase gasoline for their vehicles. France, along with its "coalition of the willing" partner, Germany, invaded America back in 2003 in order to remove illegal American weapons, overturn the brutal repressive regime of the unelected tyrant, George W. Bush, and bring freedom and democracy to all the good people of North America.

France’s president, Chirac, praised the elections but criticized the results, and threatened he would not negotiate with Christian fundamentalists who attack our forces and advocate the destruction not only of France, but also of its friend and ally, the democratic, French-speaking Republic of Quebec.

Quebec represents the only true democracy in North America, Chirac reminds us.

Quebec, which seceded from Canada, receives massive military and financial aid from France, supports the occupation of America and claims the Canadian province of Ontario is dangerous.

Ontario, according to the French, is part of an Axis of Evil, along with Nova Scotia and Alberta.

He called on all North American people, except Quebec, to renounce violence, but barely mentioned the “more or less” 30,000 Americans who have been killed. Special praise was offered to the brave French forces who have sustained 2,300 dead and 16,000 wounded at the hands of the American insurgents, but Chirac refuses to attend their funerals or provide adequate facilities for their rehabilitation and long-term care when they return to France.

Neighboring Canada, which opposes the PetroEuro scheme, announced it will allow Americans to cross the 3,000-mile border and continue to buy gasoline in dollars, be it Canadian or American.

Coincidently, Canada has recently come under criticism for attempting to acquire illegal weapons as well.

Canada’s new democratically elected, outspoken conservative Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, is critical of what he calls the French occupation of America, and warns retaliation if the French engage in military or economic reprisals against Canada.

Chirac denies that his motive for threatening Canada is economic; rather he claims that Canada is providing “safe houses” for the American terrorists who cross the border, smuggling and/or hiding weapons of mass destruction.

Chirac insists that Canada, and its new prime minister, are threats to world peace, and that Canada is secretly building illegal weapons, which threatens both the French Republic of Quebec and all people throughout the world who yearn to live free under French-style democracy.

Freedom isn’t free, he said, but sometimes we like to put it on sale.

ya gotta wander over to his site: jerryghinelli.com

France Invades US Part 1
France Invades US Part 2
France Invades US Part 3
France Invades US Part 4
France Invades US Part 5
France Invades US Part 6
France Invades US Part 7
France Invades US Part 8
France Invades US Part 9
France Invades US Part 10

other reads from his site:

Welcome back, Saddam! ; Bush Resigns ; The Crucifixion of Christ American Style